


Never Never

by Retasudesu



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 14:17:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4838342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Retasudesu/pseuds/Retasudesu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But even after everything that he did for him, Nino knew that at the end of the day, Ohno would never turn to him. Nino knew that at the end of the day, he wasn’t the one that Ohno’d seek out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Never

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed, so sorry for any mistakes!

Nino saw it first.

He saw how the lights disappeared from Ohno’s eyes the moment he was being told about the rumor. He saw how Ohno’s lips suddenly pursed tight, fingers clenching on his sides, eyes staring into nothing as his tears slowly gathered there.

He saw it first, and Nino reached out to hug him, to assure him that it’d be okay, that they believed him, that they wouldn’t leave him, ever.

But even before he could, Ohno turned away from Nino. Ohno left, to who knows where, and as Nino helplessly watched his back disappearing behind the door, he was determined that he’d do anything he could to make Ohno happy again.

And he tried. So hard.

He was there when Ohno was being grilled by the higher-ups, he was there to lend his shoulder to Ohno when the older man was on the brink of tears, he was there to make sure that Ohno smiled on the stage despite how scared and nervous Ohno was, tickling him and hugging him and holding his hands just so Ohno knew that someone got his back – just so Ohno knew that he would always be there for him no matter what.

That he’d give everything, even his life, just to see the smile back on Ohno’s face.

But even after everything that he did for him, Nino knew that at the end of the day, Ohno would never turn to him. Nino knew that at the end of the day, he wasn’t the one that Ohno’d seek out.

Because if he was, then he should’ve been in Jun’s place right now.

He watched, silently, over the small crack of the opened door to their green room how Ohno clung to Jun desperately with tears on his face. He watched as Jun leaned down and kissed him passionately, not giving Ohno a chance to breathe. They kissed like Ohno was drowning and Jun was the air he desperately needed to stay alive. He watched as Jun slowly pushed him into the sofa, hands reaching down and the sound of the zipper being pulled down seemed to echo so loudly in Nino’s mind. He watched as Ohno closed his eyes, still with tears streaming down his face, and he listened to his soft sighs, his moans, his voice shaking as he chanted Jun’s name, again and again. He watched as Jun promised him that it all would be okay soon, and Ohno didn’t have to worry because Jun loved him, _so much_ , and he’d always be there for him, loving him. He watched as Ohno nodded, a sob wrecking his body as he clung into Jun tightly.

 _But I love Ohno so much too,_ Nino thought. _And I’m always there for him too, right? I always love him too. So why him? Why not me?_

He watched as Ohno’s body suddenly jerked, a blissful moan escaping his lips as he threw his head back, and soon enough Jun followed with Ohno’s name spilling from his luscious lips.

And then it went silent.

Or so Nino thought, but then Ohno started telling Jun about how sorry he was for the rumor, how he swore that Jun was the only one he’d ever loved, and Nino, once again, couldn’t help but wonder.

_Why him?_

He threw the door opened so suddenly then; in any other day, he’d definitely laugh upon Jun’s terrified look for being found out in that embarrassing position, but Nino didn’t laugh at all. Or smile. He just walked towards the coffee table under their wide eyes, snatched his forgotten DS, and then he walked back towards the door.

“Next time you guys do it, make sure that you lock the door.” He said, before he slammed the door behind him.

He just walked for a few good steps when he heard the door being opened. He thought it was Jun – probably the younger man wanted to apologize for his stupidity – and so he was throughoutly surprised when Ohno suddenly hugged him from behind, strong arms circling his waist as he rested his forehead on Nino’s back.

“Nino.” Ohno sighed.

_Don’t you dare calling my name like that._

“Nino, I just want to thank you for today.” Ohno continued. “Thank you for everything.”

Nino turned around to face him then. He wanted to ask lots of things to him – _Why it wasn’t me then? I’m always there for you, aren’t I? We’re very close, right? So why it wasn’t me? Why should it be him?_

But then he stared at how dishelved Ohno was. He stared at Ohno’s red and swollen lips. He stared at the trace of tears in his cheeks that Jun has tried to wipe it gently before with his fingers. He stared at Ohno’s honey-suckle eyes, the way it was still a bit hazy, probably because he was still basking in his afterglow. He stared at Ohno, and he knew then that it was useless. Nino could ask him a thousand times; he could stay beside Ohno and give him everything he ever wanted.

But at the end of the day, Ohno would always come back to Jun.

So Nino just nodded. “See you tomorrow.”

Ohno looked relieved. “Tomorrow.” He hesitated a bit, and then he said in a tiny voice, “Thank you, but I’m sorry.”

Nino turned around and started leaving then, and this time, Ohno didn’t run after him.

And that was when his heart started shattering, pieces after pieces falling into the ground and disappeared into nothingness. That was when his tears finally rushed to his eyes before it fell one by one down his cheeks, his chin, and into the polished floor. That was when he finally understood another meaning of Ohno’s words.

_“Thank you, but I’m sorry.”_

He understood then that Ohno knew. Ohno knew, but he wanted him to stop.

But that was impossible. If Nino stopped, then he would have nothing to live for.

So he decided then that he wouldn’t stop. It hurts, of course, but Nino couldn’t stop.

He couldn’t stop loving Ohno. Couldn’t stop showering him with affections. Couldn’t stop himself from doing anything – _anything –_ just so Ohno’d smile again.

And he knew that he was stupid, but for once in his life, Nino didn’t mind being stupid.

Because loving Ohno Satoshi, for him, was like breathing.

He just has to.

 


End file.
